What Not to Read "WARP Book 1 The Reluctant Assassin" Eoin Colfer

I should be forgiven for assuming I would love this. With a subtitle like "The Reluctant Assassin", who wouldn't want to read and love it? But I have tried Mr. Colfer before and I wasn't impressed then and I am not impressed now. Simply put, he is patronizing. The story standards are all there in their trite glory. There are a few orphans, Americans obsessed with guns, a few Dickens rip offs and - what annoyed me the most - a teenager who works for the FBI but is sooooooo good that she can disarm any full grown officer and lay him down flat. Really? Sure we all KNOW this is fiction but this is beyond fiction and absurdly fantasy. To boot, the writing is simplistic and that makes me feel like Mr. Colfer just doesn't respect his young audience. Give us some artful imagery, some culture with the crass fight scene. Be an artist and slip some ART into the story. If it were not for the time warp aspect, this would have no redeeming qualities. Actually, it doesn't. Just the name. I like THAT.